I grew up in an alcoholic/abusive home, mostly verbal abuse, nevertheless a war zone. Knowing little other than the extreme positive or the extreme negative, I found it difficult to understand how I really felt and would defer to "fuck this shit" or "everything is awesome", it never worked and I was effectively manic. A few months ago something pretty awful happened with a member of my family, nothing that hadn't happened before, but something I was no longer ok with accepting. I'm still in a bit of a funk but I've accepted that the difficult times are an important part of the rewarding times; basically sometimes it's okay to feel like shit, sometimes it's okay to go easy on yourself, just make sure to feed yourself well, or as well as you can. Anyway, the thing I finally realized, the epiphany I had was so simple it's silly; I don't have to hate the people who've hurt me to walk away, because I don't hate them, I love them tremendously. I can love them in my way and not participate. This lifted a huge weight, I cried, I've been crying a lot, and then I laughed. No more fuck you's, no more you're the best, now it just is. I love you, from over here, in my power and without sacrifice. And I'm so grateful to you, because this lesson might be the most important one I ever learn.
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Alyssa WesterlundI love it when it rains. Archives
March 2016
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